Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Kaged Reality

Man, its been a long time since I sat down to intentionally write down my musings and conceptualizations of my life.  Okay, so maybe my commentary on handmade leather items, and hipster culture aren't exactly literary gold, but up until recently those were pretty much what I thought about.  Those were the things I  spent time, or should I say wasted time thinking about.

I realize that for the normal person, thinking about these things isn't really that big of a deal.  For the normal person, wondering if there is a separate "cat reality" where there is a cat Obama, and a Cat Mona Lisa isn't that  (this may have been a bad example of thought stream to use in a sentence with the word "normal") big of a time suck.  For me, however, these thoughts could very easily take up most of my day.  Multitasking is something that God did not see fit to bless me with (Vanessa would whole heatedly support this).  That said, Vanessa and I have been experiencing a lot of fairly significant Lifestyle changes that have forced me to reassess the value in what I think about, care about and more importantly, spend time worrying about.

Recently, my Vanny and I have decided have began the emotional journey to Foster Parenthood.  We are actually only a few weeks away from finishing our MAPP classes and being even closer to being licensed to be parents, isn't that a weird thing to say?  In fact, weird is a great descriptor to apply to my current state of mind and body, I just feel weird. The more i attempt to process this feeling of "weirdness", the more I start to understand that it would probably be more disconcerting if I felt nothing.  It would be way more comfortable and much easier to understand if I felt as though I was completely prepared for what God has in store for Van and I, and the tiny hearts and minds that will be in our care for an undetermined amount of time.  But good grief, I am so not prepared(please re-visit previous comment about separate cat reality).    I trust my wife, and I trust God (the best a tiny brained human can) and I trust that this place I am in is going to leave me as soon as that first tiny human is placed in our home.  God knows my heart, and he knows my spirit, therefore I believe with all of my heart that all of my worry, and feeling of unpreparedness and inadequacy will be suddenly less important when there are toys strewn about the house, and when I am suddenly more interested in playing with the kids, than spending time reading men's style blogs.  There will be failures, and we will have to learn fast, but  God has given me an amazing partner (hey boo), and a desire to serve.

"Now there are many varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are many varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God that empowers them all.
1 Cor 12:4-6


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